


All I Want For Christmas Is You

by aphoticdepths



Series: FGO Ficlets [6]
Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Bad Puns, Crack, F/F, written entirely out of thirst for Santa Alter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 10:00:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16679470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphoticdepths/pseuds/aphoticdepths
Summary: In which Ritsuka wants to be ravished and she and Santa Alter play some reindeer games.





	All I Want For Christmas Is You

**Author's Note:**

> I'm Jewish, how did it come to this

Ritsuka practically bounded back into her room, and Santa Alter followed. She'd given out what gifts she can already, as her first priority-though she admits disappointment in Galahad, but she supposes that since the vessel was raised by a Jewish man, Mash has every right to celebrate Hannukah with Roman, as much as that might prevent her from serving her King. That aside, there is only one gift left to be given-that for her Master. Though Ritsuka had been trying her hardest at the lottery and spent a surprising amount on fried chicken, apparently her reindeer had not yet had her fill of Christmas spirit. Good.

 

"And," Ritsuka said as she spun around with her usual energy, "the last present is...me!" She fell back onto her bed, and looked up at her expectantly.

 

"You?" Santa Alter asked. "I think you misunderstand. A Santa does not _receive gifts._ We receive milk and cookies. Though I will accept payment in milkshakes, hamburgers, fries, or nearly anything deep fried, if you can find it."

 

"Okay," said Ritsuka, frowning in thought, "I'll work on that. I definitely need to give you something after all of the work we've both went to this Christmas. But-" She leaned back, grabbed her thighs, and did a split. Santa Alter stared. "You're my present this year, Santa," she said in a seductive whisper. "Go on. Deck my halls."

 

Santa Alter regarded her, and turned for the door.

 

"Wait! Shit! I'm sorry!" Ritsuka rose as quickly as she could. "I mean-I, uh, I thought you were up for this too! You said all of that about getting on my knees and serving you or you riding me, and then when you knighted me, it was kind of a disappointment-I mean, not, because you're awesome, and honestly that was also really great, but I still really wanted to-"

 

"It is not that I am not up for it. In fact, I think that would be rather enjoyable." She couldn't keep a small smile from her face at the thought. "But, in this season of rampant consumerism, the position of Santa is one that does not allow rest until the end of Christmas Day itself. Were I to slack on my duties, the consequences could be catastrophic. I cannot allow myself to be replaced with some...some..."

 

"Jeanne Alter Santa Lily in a bikini?"

 

"Exactly. Though any replacement would be inferior. I am the one true Santa, and all pretenders shall fall to my blade or kneel before me."

 

Ritsuka sighed dreamily. "Okay. And I understand that. But also, I can make a wishlist just about what I want you to do with me." She fell back onto the bed, and posed provocatively. "Jingle my bells, Santa."

  
Santa Alter smiled, shaking her head.

 

"So?" Ritsuka stuck her behind towards Santa Alter. "Am I on your...naughty list? How much have you seen me when I'm sleeping?"

 

"Reindeer. Are you jesting, or trying to seduce me?"

 

"Absolutely both. Don't worry, I'll sing Jingle Bells with you-because I go _all the way._ So I'll definitely sit on your lap-"

  
Santa Alter caught her hair, her breath warm against Ritsuka's ear as she straddled her, hand effortlessly pinning her to the bed. "Well, if we're going to be like this, then I suppose I'm going to need to show you where I've hid Merlin's pickle."

 

Ritsuka paused. "Wait, what?"

**Author's Note:**

> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_pickle


End file.
